He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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