i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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