I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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