i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
