Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
