we're blogging at a bar
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
