It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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