ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
from now on my penis is your penis
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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