She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
