She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
