i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
