Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
