I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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