Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
