I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
