I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
