Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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