She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
