GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
