Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
