There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
