MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
