is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
