New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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