If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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