is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
