I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
