: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
