It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
as a side note pls kill me
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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