What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
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we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
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Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night