My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary