I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.