My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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