I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Randomize
