So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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