LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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