When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
