I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
