I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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