You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
