A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
My hand turned me down
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
