this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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