i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
