I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Just puked most of my soul out..
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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