I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
