im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
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