i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
