your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Let's get the cat blown out
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
