That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
