I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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