Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
