in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
