i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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