i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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