Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
