Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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