I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Randomize
