the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
