my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
