yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
