You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Alive.
So much puke
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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