I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
