Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
