Just cropdusted the office
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
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