My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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