Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
