Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
