I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize