i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I can't turn off my feet"
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
