She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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