I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
